This is a story that's been kicking around inside my head for years. Hopefully, getting it out and down will make room for more stories.
It's like I've heard other people say. Ideas are easy. Execution on those ideas - that's hard.
So, here's hoping you like this episode. If you do, please leave a comment. If you really do, consider buying it in ebook form. $2.00 cheap. You don't need that blueberry scone. Instead, you can support what I'm doing here - if you like it. And if you don't, please let me know. I can't get better as fast if I don't have feedback.
Anyway, enjoy!
Download MPF6.mp3
So, I have listened to this story twice now and I have to say I still really like it. There are a couple of things that I think you did well. First, even though as you said it is hard to make a sympathetic "bad guy," I think you made us like him well enough in the beginning that we were able to follow him thought the story. The idea that he was the bad guy didn't even occur to me until he stepped over that line on the first reading. On the second reading I knew it was coming but I still felt like I liked the guy right until he committed his crime. That I think is a sign that you have a character worth Following. One other thing that you did, you made him commit a crime that made us really not like him, and then you ended it quickly. There was very little lingering and then he was also dead. On top of that in the last few paragraphs, you gave us a feeling that this guy we thought we knew, that we had seen though his eyes, was not the person we thought he was. I like that. And that just gave me a story idea so I will hold that thought.
ReplyDeleteSo here is what I didn't like about it. There were not many things, just a couple and really they are less, I didn't like them and more if I really thought about them I might have changed. First as I tweeted ealier, you switched back and forth between the words rover and scooter, that kind of distracted me. Not so much that I could not get over it, but a little. I would have liked to know more about the time period, what else was going on in the world. You gave us a couple of small tastes and I am not sure that you could have given us much more without distracting us from the story but it would have been nice. I know that is kind of a have my cake and eat it too kind of thing.
There were a couple of things that I was kind of on the fence about. The biggest one was the fact that this feels like a bigger story. I am so glad that it was. There was not enough here to explain everyting, but at the same time it was a complete story and could have stood very well on it's own. As with some of your other stories I want to know more. I found myself at the end of this one yelling at my car stereo, you can't end it, oh come on Zach I want more. So in that sence I was both disapointted and really excited for the next installment. However, knowing that is it part of a much larger story made me feel much better.
As always thanks for putting your stuff out there for us to listen to. I know I have really been enjoying it and I look forward to it each and every other week. I am glad that you have such a wonderful style and voice.
I see Jeff left you a big comment. I listened to this one again tonight on the drive back from Sacramento.
ReplyDeleteI thought you developed the plot well, and the pacing was good.
I thought you developed the character well, too. I even remembered his name until this very second. I don't think you needed to do more with the professor, I think we learned all about him that we really needed to.
The three things that struck me as odd were, first, at times he rode a rover and at times he rode a scooter. I don't know if this was intentional or if they are interchangeable names for the same craft.
Second, I don't know if you laid enough ground work for the arson to have the special fuel that burns with out oxygen. I'm sure in the construction environment there must be a reason to have it, but it felt like a 'cheat' at the end. If there had been a passing comment about that type of fuel, it would have made sense for him to use it at the end.
Finally, you said the spores were blown or spread by the wind. I'm not a scientist, but I thought you would need to have an atmosphere to do that, and I thought Mars lost its atmosphere when its molten core cooled and it lost its magnetic field. (Just wondering)
I always enjoy your stories and wish you the best on submitting them. Now I go read what Jeff had to say.
Take care.